Chihuha

Chihuha: (Chee-hoo-ha). Internal monkey minded critic energy that creates drama 24/7.

Chi: Vital energy that is held to animate the body internally; of central importance in some Eastern systems of medical treatment and of exercise or self-defense.

Huha: Reactionary fight or flight response to unreleased past trauma stored in the body; incessant future planning; controlling the ‘now’ with relentless yapping.

Use: I was hoping to enjoy the drive, but my Chihuha jumped into the passenger seat and yapped in my ear the entire way.

Chihuha

I thought I’d be home Wednesday, but gratefully, there was more editing work waiting in Cambria than I planned. Turns out, I drove home through Big Sur on Saturday. I jumped into the Honda with the idea stopping off at Ragged Point, but passed that in favor of my memory of Big Sur twenty years ago. Too bad for me, that the memory included a clear stretch of Highway 1 on a weekday morning. (It also includes being high in the passenger seat while someone else drove.)

I learned that the Coast Gallery no longer serves food. The Coast Gallery also doesn’t let the public use their facilities, never mind that I was the only public and wouldn’t have minded the climb up the stairs. But, strangely, I was too hungry to insist and the shitty sales guy behind the counter didn’t offer. He suggested Deetjan’s Big Sur Restaurant which unfortunately was closed: though the facilities were open.

Stomach growling, I drove past Nepenthe because of the crowds and headed for the memory of the Big Sur River Inn, which was also teeming with tourists. After the next few curves, I pulled over to the side of the mountain. Rather than taking a moment to gaze at the shimmering sea, I tore open the raisins that I had struggled with for most of the drive and plopped the box on my lap. Appetizers. I pulled back onto the highway and sped until the right turn onto Carmel’s Rio Road. There, I gunned it past the Chevron and parked badly into the first space I found.

The eventual beet salad was heavenly.

The hilarity of missing a fabulously leisurely drive was that instead of stopping to eat, I kept looking for a better restaurant. Originally, I wanted to receive the blessing of Highway 1 on a gorgeous day. Turns out, I drove quite a way listening to my Chihuha yap about a better restaurant; instead of listening to my body.

I had forgotten that to Chihuhas, it’s always better over there.

This road trip was several weeks after I created my Inner Family collage (Click to read the 1st in the Inner Family 3-part series from the archives.) When I came home, I was not surprised to see that the Critic and my symbolic reactions dominated a large area of collage. So, I did what any other Visionary would do: I reached up and yanked down the pictures I didn’t want. (Yes you can take images away from and add to your collage!)

Now, my Chihuha calmly sits on the lap of dog whisperer Cesar Milan. Cesar is the symbol of my Inner Protective Parent. If anyone can calm a Chihuha down, it’s Cesar.

May you enjoy long leisurely drives while your Chihuha snores in a far away kennel,

Dorothy

Please click COMMENT at the bottom of this blog and tell me what best describes your Inner Chihuha.

ALSO – Please take time to answer the Poll I reposted on Vision collages – (I had neglected to add a “no” response earlier) – so please vote!

Out your Inner Coach Potato

The reason I love cable TV is because for half of my adult life I didn’t own a television. When I did, I barely had a VCR and trolled for movies at the local library. While this left me geekily behind the popular TV show times, it allowed me to murmur that popular disclaimer: “Yes, I own television, but only use it to watch movies.”

What’s that biblical saying? Be WITH television, but not OF television?

Now that my rent includes cable, I’m outing myself from the television closet. This column is devoted to my Top Ten Reasons why I love cable, television without cable – and other forms of TV technology.

10. Basketball season and the pre-requisite snacks. During the 80’s I got hooked on hating the Lakers. My neighbor Bill was a Lakers fan and since the other team needed a Montrose Avenue representative on their side, I naturally voted for the Portland Trailblazers. I even gave Bill a purple and yellow “Nerf” gecko that we named “Laker Lizard.” Our pre-game ritual was to flip the lizard to see how it landed, thereby predicting the winning team. I don’t live in Montrose, California, anymore, but I still love to hate the Lakers. My one salvation during a recent Laker win was the chow I picked up for myself and my pal Brian at El Rancho Marketplace in the Santa Ynez Valley. Whenever I get the chance, I head over Highway 154 and turn onto Highway 246 to stop in for a bite. The market was started in 1966 by Helmut Holzheu and is still a family owned business. The deli features all kinds of great grub and being in friendly store just feels decadent. Half a giant burrito with Brian’s homemade chips and “guac” made the Laker win a lot easier to swallow.

9. Damages. Catching up to the latest season of this FX series made me a www.hulu.com expert. Hulu features trailers and many episodes of popular television and cable shows. The episodes that weren’t on Hulu, I was able to download from Amazon. (I needed to keep up with the fabulously evil Glenn Close.)

8. The Chinese Backstreet Boys. When I heard about this gem, I had to get on You Tube. The short lip-synch to “That Way” is worth it - especially for the blooper scenes at the end. I have no idea why I love this video so much. Maybe ‘cause they’re wearing jerseys that say Houston.

7. What Not to Wear. I rang in 2009 with two cats, a parrot named Jeffrey and a What Not to Wear marathon. Though I don’t always agree with the outfits that Stacey and Clinton put together, I do dress better. AND I no longer live in terror that one of my friends has called the duo for a “Dorothy’s outfit” intervention.

6. Project Runaway. Though Heidi Klum’s repetitive, “you’re out,” does get tedious, I adore the creative designs. And watching the winner reach their dream is such a Hallmark moment. (I always sniffle along when design guru Tim Gunn bids the contestants adieu.) I got so excited about one season that I actually started writing a piece that teaches Inner Family dynamics based the contestant’s interactions. Stay tuned.

5. www.Netflix.com Instant viewing. Unlimited movies streamed to my laptop included in the price? Bring on the 2nd season of “Duchess of Duke Street.” The site remembers where you stopped the movie and reloads in the exact place – just in case your laptop spontaneously Shuts Down in the middle of your flick.

4. The Closer and Cold Case. For some reason, I only watch these shows while doing the late night thang during visits to Mom’s. I’m an expert at closing my eyes when the music signals that the grisly crime scene is happening. Kyra Sedgwick and her cop crew’s antics are hilarious, while Kathryn Morris as the lead the Cold Case detective is to die for.

3. Californiacation. The only thing I knew about David Duchovny was that he proposed to his former wife Tea Leoni while she was arranging her shoe closet. This Showtime hoot is about a one-hit writer who is punching his way through his 2nd novel. You gotta watch it to believe it.

2. www.Ted.com. Even if there is something on TV, this website is a fabulous option. Packed with 20-minute lectures and performances, this site was started in 1984: the letters stand for technology, entertainment and design. The lectures on the creative genius by “Eat, Pray, Love” author Elizabeth Gilbert as well as brain scientist Jill Bolte Taylor’s talk almost put Ted at the top of my list.

1. Brothers and Sisters. As if listening to David’s snarky remarks isn’t delicious enough, watching the Walker family makes my drama feel as if I’m beating Kobe in a little game of one-on-one. Be sure to catch up on past seasons through Netflix or ABC’s website.

Come on now, be brave. Out your couch potato self and spill your favorite embarrassing show. Just click on the Comment Icon at the bottom this column. (I won’t tell a soul….)

May all your down time be as luscious as watching Bravo’s Millionaire Matchmaker,

Dorothy

Internal Improv - Inner Family Part 3

In the last two blog posts you learned about the Inner Family. Now what? This is where the real fun begins. These Inner Family dynamics are internal so that means we are the ones creating the story. Let’s take a look at the negative and positive side of this dynamic in daily relationship.

A very common role that is easy to identify with is the mother role. Years ago, I had a housemate who identified strongly with her mother role. We learned last blog that we are not our roles - these are only parts we play. In the same way we may be mothers, we are also daughters, sisters, employees, bosses, teachers, students.

When my housemate and I had communication problems, it was often over her unasked for motherly advice regarding my job, my outfit, or my hair. Oy!

After being told what to do, if I had a strong negative reaction, I’d go away and use the non-dominant hand journal technique. This was – for my eyes only. After the initial emotional charge I recognized four dynamics that seemed to be happening in the conflict between me and my housemate.

First, I realized that not standing up for my self after her comments meant that I was still living a past relationship dynamic.

Discovery number two was that her criticisms could be reflecting my internal expectations of being criticized.

The third discovery was the epiphany. “Well, if she is coming at me in her identified mother role, how can I stop reacting in a child role?”

The fourth dynamic is the worst-side of the above epiphany: ‘What if my identified-child role sends her into the mother role?”

OY!

Does it matter which story I choose? (Let me hear you shout No!)

What matters is that I’m examining my reactionary responses. It only takes one person to realize that they are reacting in order to change a relationship drama. Or as author Marianne Williamson often points out, it only takes one person in the relationship to pray.

Reacting is the operative word.

Reacting means the past. That is, yes her words were pushing buttons in my body’s cellular memory. That’s what pushing buttons means. The blame game tries to change the behavior of the other person. But the point of the game is to notice our reactionary buttons. Awareness is the way reaction transforms into empowerment.

Think of it like improvisational theatre. Imagine two actors on a stage. One actor silently begins acting like a bully. The opposite role of a bully is victim. All actor number one has to do is take on the body language of a bully and POW – actor number two automatically goes into the archetypical victim character. Nothing needs to be said because the first actors’ role is expressed through the body. That’s what makes improv so hilarious. That is, the audience instantly relates to the archetypical roles.

With time, attention and awareness, we can also learn to recognize the archetypal dramas that are being played out on our relationship stage.

Once we make a decision to stop habitual reactions, we can groove through the daily negotiations that can make life an emotional roller coaster. That is, once I realized I was resisting my housemate’s comments, I was able to take her instructions at face value. This enabled me to stand up for my self with clearly expressed boundaries. Negotiations in the present feel empowering and complete. Reacting from the past feels dramatic.

Now, a positive example of the internal improv game is this: I have several accomplished friends who are making a good living via their passion. Old reactionary feelings of jealousy often led to comparisons – which is Monkey Mind thinking. But empowerment means re-wording our internal story. Now I tell my self that my friend’s success is mirroring my own ability to be accomplished. These powerful friends wouldn’t be in my circle unless that aspect was in me as well.

Then I dance around the room singing “I’m a best-selling author, I’m a best-selling author.” Next, I take action by asking for advice or referrals to the information I need for my next step.

Another example of how to turn things around is when I recently played in the semi-finals for the songwriting contest. I half-joked to my friends that I was going to draw little mad faces of the judges because I didn’t win a spot in the finals. Not only did I nix the drawings, but I realized that I know Amanda West, an acquaintance who placed 2nd in last year’s finals. That means, with a little songwriting help from my new friend, I could try again in next years contest if I choose. Or not choose. Now that I’m making decisions based on the present instead of my emotional past, my dreams really are up to me.

May you and every role you play bring you joy,

Dorothy

PS:For specifics on the Inner Family dynamic,read Recovery of your Inner Child by Dr. Lucia Capacchione.

Meet the Parents - Inner Family Part 2

Last week I talked about the Inner Child and introduced the concept of an Inner Family. This blog – it’s time to meet the parents. If our emotions, intuition and body sensations are the Inner Child (IC), then the way to create safety with the IC is through the Inner Parents*. Inner Family work has four parents. A9ll of these parents are needed for every stage of raising an IC. These Inner Parents are the Protective Parent, Nurturing Parent, Critical Parent, and the Spiritual Parent. In addition, two crucial family members are the Observer and the Aware Ego. These two aspects set the parent roles into motion - instantly. If your life is out of balance in the areas of health, wealth, love, creativity and general happiness, then understanding how your internal Selves operate can remove the barriers to your dreams.

The Protective Parent

The Protective Parent is the part of us that sets boundaries both internally and externally. Internally, I use my Protective Parent when I drag my IC off the beach in order to get back to my desk. Externally, I am using this mode when I put my ‘boundary bag’ on my door when I don’t want to be disturbed. I also use Protective Parent mode when I am in a new social situation. When I’m with my friends, the childlike silly aspect of my Self is free to express because I know I am with trusted loved ones.

A Protective Parent that is out of balance results in sentences like these: “Those people are taking advantage of me!” “I dread going into work – my boss is going to throw a fit when he sees my sales numbers are down!” A balanced Protective Parent keeps our IC safe. These safety measures can take the form of making agreements with others, but we need to understand where the internal agreements break down first.

The Nurturing Parent

The Nurturing Parent is the part of us that cares for our health. When its time to eat, we stop and eat. We don’t try to finish just “one more thing” to the detriment of our body. We stop writing our blog in order to watch the final episode of Brothers and Sisters. If we need to relax after work – we take a bath or have tea and read. If we have an emotionally charged day, we give our selves quiet time rather than burying our feelings with too much alcohol, television, Internet or other repetitive patterns.

After auditioning for a musical in San Luis Obispo a few years back, I allowed myself cry and be sad when I didn’t make the cut. This is allowing was my nurturing aspect let the IC express. The feeling lasted just a few minutes. Years later, for my graduation Capstone class at Antioch, I performed an original musical medley as my final exam. (The DVD footage will not be uploaded.) If I had stuffed down the audition experience with phrases such as “Oh, it was meant to be” before feeling the disappointment – I wouldn’t have performed my ‘shuffle off to Buffalo’ routine. The reason? My unprocessed disappointment would have been stored in my body. Feeling disappointed at the time yielded the joy of being onstage in an original musical later.

The Spiritual Parent

The Spiritual Parent is the aspect of us that is our all knowing, grounded Self. It is connected to the Spiritual plane and knows that we are loved. The qualities are acceptance, patience, compassion and loving kindness. In the New Age movement, many people identify with this aspect. Or they judge this aspect as the better than the other parental modes. This is dangerous because hanging out in the ethereal realm creates an imbalance. That is, when its time to come to earth and do the work – there is a tendency to maintain the spiritual high through drugs or drama. The limitless quality of this parent does not allow for the reality of limits that the material world imposes.

The Spiritual Parent forgives a betrayal, while the IC feels the hurt, the nurturing aspect heals, and the protective aspect leaves these relationships behind - or insists on couples counseling! Rushing to forgiveness before processing the pain only buries the hurt in our cellular memory.

Journaling with the Spiritual Parent using the non-dominant hand technique (see January Blog) dispels the societal beliefs of “Daddy God coming in for the rescue.” Journaling with this parent gave me the clarity to take the action in plenty of situations. For instance, in a car accident I had in May of 2007, I called on the Spiritual Parent. After I realized I was not hurt, I closed my eyes and gave thanks. I remembered blessing the journey of insurance paperwork that greeted me. But when it came time to meet the other driver – my Protective Parent took care of business.

The Critical Parent

The Critical Parent is the one I have discussed the most in my blog postings because I have spent a lot of time either listening to its voice or resisting its voice - which energetically, is the same thing. Dr. Capacchione teaches that this parent is necessary in the same way that Inspector Clouseau wrestled with Kato in the Pink Panther movies. That is, he needed the surprise attack to keep his sleuthing skills sharp! If only my Critical Parent’s grousing were as hilarious as Peter Sellars movies. Actually, they can be – once you recognize the disguises this crafty parent uses.

In her book, The Energy of Money, Maria Nemeth calls the Critical Parent, Monkey Mind. Warning signals that we are making decisions from Monkey Mind are being vague, being defensive, taking things personally, making excuses, using either/or thinking – you get the point.

Two aspects of the Critical Parent are The Pusher and The Perfectionist. Both of these aspects are rampant in the Western work world.

You know me - I created a Visioning® collage of my Inner Family. In the Critical Parent section a woman is cringing under the photo of a skinny, persnickety cartoon man. This cartoon man represents the Critical Parent. Beneath the cartoon man is a little Buddha face laughing. Phew! Critical Parent techniques are in my April Blog.

The Observer and The Aware Ego

The Observer: Also on my collage is an image of Buddhist Monk sweeping. This is my Observer representative. But the Observer only observes and needs the directorial skills of the Aware Ego. My Aware Ego is represented by Cesar Milan and Chris Rock. These images remind me to ‘be aware of the energy I am emitting” and “the laughter behind my human drama.”

The Observer is the witness to the events in our life. It simply sees what is happening and reports on the facts. There is no emotional attachment. These reports are used by the Aware Ego, who is the internal director. The Aware Ego gets information from the Observer. Here is an example. The Observer tells the Aware Ego “Dorothy’s boss Susie is yelling again.” Nowhere in the Observers reporting does it mention any personalization. It’s just the facts, ma’m. The Aware Ego can now make a decision.

In this real life circumstance, I was aware of the Observer voice and realized that Susie was like a child throwing a tantrum. I simply let the tantrum happen, and then repeated back what I heard Susie wanted. Because I didn’t jump on the “Susie is yelling there must be something wrong with Susie, with me, with ____,” bandwagon, the situation diffused quickly. If I had tried to fix the situation instead, well, I’d still be standing there with a red faced Susie boss.

We know that the Aware Ego is asleep at the wheel when we go on vacations with our files from work or go to meet prospective clients wearing our swim trunks. The Aware Ego is the decider. It chooses which role is appropriate for which setting. Going to negotiate a contract? Better take the Protective Parent. Stymied by a major decision? Then spend some time journaling with your Spiritual Parent.

The important thing to realize is that we are not any of these roles. We are not our Inner Child. We are not the Aware Ego and we are not the Protective Parent. We are human beings, set on this planet to enjoy our incredible lives. Get to know your Inner Family and the roles they play. They are here to help you move through life’s situations with grace.

May you and your Inner Family celebrate your life!

Dorothy

















Dot in Pacific Grove


PS:For specifics on the Inner Family dynamic,
read Recovery of your Inner Child by Dr. Lucia Capacchione.

Intro to Your Inner Family

I was raised in Disneyland, California. That means that I recognized fireflies in Maryland because of Pirates of the Caribbean and when I hear the phrase “Here we go!” I brace myself for Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride. Each summer, the Arizona relatives would arrive and clutching our leftover ride coupons, we’d head back to Disneyland.

Although Disneyland meant the daytime rides and the evening fireworks – our mothers acted like, well mothers. They brought us kids home during the day for food and a break before heading back to the park. As I grew older, it was easy to tell which families had taken a break with the kids and which families had parents that were run by the kids.



Inner families are like that too. Everyone has heard of an Inner Child. Listening to our Inner Child simply means that we are in touch with and honor our emotions and body sensations. What a lot of people don’t know is that if we have an Inner Child, then we also have Inner Parents. These are called the Protective, Nurturing, Spiritual and Critical Parent*. All of these parents are here to take care of us. Not understanding this dynamic can lead to emotions run amok. Think about it – when is the last time you saw an adult throw a tantrum or have an emotional melt down?

When we are growing up, we learned to hide certain feelings that were taboo in our families. Any feeling can be taboo. Most common ones are boys don’t cry and girls can’t be mad. As children, when one of these taboo feelings becomes present, we develop coping strategies to stuff down the feeling. When we go to school, develop friendships, attend church, etc, we learn about more taboo feelings and thus, create new and creative coping strategies.

As children, these coping mechanisms kept us safe – that is, if we paid attention and stuffed down the feeling, we didn’t get in trouble. But a feeling is a unit of energy and unless it is seen, felt, accepted and released – the energy gets stored in our body. This energetic memory reactivates as we move in and out of situations that activate the taboo feeling. This is good news because the feeling is simply trying to be seen, felt, accepted and released. But because we have learned to JUDGE the feeling, instead of stopping to feel the pain – we numb the pain and the cycle begins again. This is why we find ourselves in the “same feeling place, different face” situations repeatedly.

The way out of emotional pain is through. It’s a process that I call Name- that is, Name your feelings, Accept your feelings, Move your feelings (through journaling or exercise) for Empowered choices.

We know where our inner child is running the show by looking at our life situations that are out of balance. For example, I’ve discovered that sometimes my inner kid has stolen the checkbook. So, when I took the morning to go shopping in downtown Santa Cruz, I set my limits by carrying the cash I wanted to spend and had fruit, water and tea in the car – thereby saving more mula for fun stuff. As I was shopping, I noticed that I wanted to buy gifts for others and that I had a big ‘SHOULD’ voice following me around telling me what I should buy and what I really needed.

“Uh, huh, thanks for sharing!”

The amount of money I spent was not as important as simply spending time enjoying kicking around downtown. Now I’m writing this blog wearing my new turquoise shell dangle earrings and am relishing reading my book of essays by Richard Rodriquez that I gleaned from Bookshop Santa Cruz’s sale bin. When I don’t take energy (in time or money) to spend time playing daily and going out for fun weekly – then I chance rebellious, unconscious spending later.

Listening to your feelings, body messages and intuition are paramount to our happiness. But all good parents need to use discretion. Boundaries mean that you are honoring your whole self. Boundaries keep you safe so you can enjoy life’s lovely ride.

May you skip safely and happily through this delicious day,

Dorothy

Read my December blog and for the process of using Visioning® to ground stuck feelings and my January blog to help identify feelings using collage.

*The Inner Family theory is based on Recovery of Your Inner Child by Dr. Lucia Capacchione, who founded of the Creative Journal Expressive Arts training with Dr. Marsha Nelson of Mission, Texas. Buy a copy of the book here too.

Read my article about El Rocio Retreat – the center where Lucia’s new students are trained. For more photos and events listing visit: http://www.elrocioretreat.com/.

Visioning® Step Five: The Inner Critic

The reason that there are 10 steps in the Visioning® process is because our feelings are also a process. Not seeing the cycle leads us to the false belief that whatever we are feeling now will last forever. We want the good emotions to last and the bad to stop. The fact that we hang our societal hat on the HAPPY FOREVER peg is obvious when we watch television commercials. The internal advocate of this false advertising is known as The Inner Critic.

Corporate America dumps huge dollars annually on advertising. If advertising didn’t work – big business wouldn’t be paying the big bucks. Business owners count on you to sit through the commercials so that their message will be recalled the next time you make a shopping decision. Our Inner Critic works the same way.

Other names for the Critic are Monkey Mind or ego. In the Visioning® process, the Inner Critic comes at Step Five, the crucial step where all of the collage pieces are laid out but not glued down. Objectively listening to the Critic’s messages and gives us a chance to answer back.

Unfortunately, once out of the workshop environment, where you are supported in your Visioning® process, you forget to be objective to the critical voice – and then POW, your Vision has spontaneously combusted. The critic’s fear based, controlling messages create a slow leak of energy that siphons the juice out of your inspired dream.

This is why Visioning® manifestation seems so far away. When we first begin the Vision, we are in our large, expansive intuitive minds. That is what our collage is based on: the unlimited potential. But when chaos descends on our Vision like Zeus’s thunderbolt from the heavens then what’s a mortal to do?

Stop and feel the thunder.

If you don’t feel the chaotic thunder, then the sun can’t come out. It will stay in hiding for days until the thunderbolts of doubt are seen, felt, accepted and released. Once I told my friend Amy that I felt sad, but I hated having that feeling. She reminded me that when I’m happy, I don’t judge that feeling, so why is sad different? The difference is the powerful advertising from our Inner Critic.

Luckily, I am revisiting a collage created on the theme “Standing in My Own Space in This World” – that I also call Toilet Man because he reminds me to flush when the critic starts yapping. I used to think that this collage meant to stand up for myself only externally. But the most important place to stand up for ourselves is internally, so we can protect the dream that lives in our heart.

When you hear the Inner Critic, you’ll want to notice what it’s saying, but not take its words personally. This means learning not to identify with this internal voice. I use the dominant hand, non-dominant hand technique outlined in Visioning, Ten Steps to Designing the Life of Your Dreams by Dr. Lucia Capacchione. This method allows me to hear the voice of the Inner Critic and feel where its energy lives in my body. In regards to creating a Visioning® collage, the critical voice may use phrases such as: “I’m sure, pictures from a magazine?” “This is a waste of time, you need to _____.”

The Inner Critic is really on our side, trying to take care of us by keeping us on the SAFE path – even if it’s not what our heart desires. In fact, the chaotic rumble of the Inner Critic gets louder as we move closer to our dream. Other ways that the critical voice often manifests is bodily pain such as headaches, fatigue, and depression. These body signals tell us that there are feelings that need to be expressed. In fact, Dr. Capacchione states that addictive behaviors are our way of muffling the voice of the Inner Critic.

Journaling the Inner Critic and talking back via an empowered, yet often disowned energy called The Inner Brat teaches me that these energies are separate from WHO I AM. As I work with these energies it becomes easier to notice and then turn off the critical voice. Ways I use to bring myself into balance after I’ve wrestled with the Inner Critic are The Jimmy Kimmel show, reading Dave Barry, daily affirmations from Abraham-Hicks.com and spending time each day doing what I LOVE.

You also have your ways of dispelling the Inner Critic. Please share them in the Comments section at the end of this Blog and let’s get a dialogue happening.

The world is in need of big dreams and the Visionaries brave enough to face the internal blocks that keep us from our calling. This means you.

May your journey to your dreams be filled with laughter,

Dorothy

To order Lucia’s book visioningcoach.org

To start a Visioning Group or have a Vision party in your home, contact me at dsegovia1@yahoo.com

Finally, hoorah for the Cafe Violette in Capitola, for standing up to its sloppy customers with snappy signage:

“Newsflash: Cafe Violette has trash cans – yes it’s true. So use them or suffer the wrath of the owner – you won’t like her when she’s mad. Use them or suffer the consequences.”

After my fabulous food, I asked about these consequences to see if I could get away with leaving my plate on the table: turns out that any offenders will be assigned to the midnight clean up shift. Yikes!

For a delicious, decadent meal that won’t dent your wallet – stop in at the Cafe Violette at 104 Stockton Avenue in Capitola Village. They’re open for breakfast, lunch and dinner – and feature locally made Marianne’s and Polar Bear ice cream.

Goodnight Kiss

Janet Fisher
Goodnight Kiss Music

Dear Janet,

I was blessed to participate in the March 31st Annual Songwriters Showcase at Britannia Arms in Aptos. The hand of the Big Songwriter in the sky was definitely present as songwriter after fabulous songwriter went up to the mic.

I am proud to say that I was one of them.

When I read your eloquent letter to the songwriters, I found what I came for because your letter reads like a benediction.

If I start my story in the middle it reads something like this:

In 1993 I wrote my 2nd song and decided to become the next Joan Baez. It took 10 years but I made it to the 4-hour gig slot – playing 90% originals at a place called The Network in San Luis Obispo. With an hour to go, I was eating a sandwich on the stage steps thinking,

“Gee, down to the schlock songs and only two tables here. I guess I’ll have to…”

But then a more powerful thought took over.

“Like hell you are. This table is just sitting down and you may know you have been here for 3 hours but they do not. So get back up on that stage and play balls out…”

except with swear words.

After the gig, the man from the table asked about the CD I was selling. He bought one and gave me a folded bill. He said that it was for me, not the CD Project. Turns out he gave me a 100 dollar tip.

I meant to tell you a different story. About how I gave up songwriting because I thought I wasn’t successful and I was so tired of lugging equipment and how I always wanted to go back to school anyway and I did graduate from Antioch and I learned to give speeches and co-edit a magazine.

But what meant the most about that time was finding my way back to the songs.

After Tuesday’s showcase, I read my excellent feedback from one judge that was along the lines of “Write about love you lost – you can do that can’t you?” On the drive home I heard the song fire off in my head.

I’m going back to Britannia Arms on April 14 to play my new song.

It’s hard to say what inspired me the most: your letter, the supportive atmosphere, the judge’s comments or Eric, the sound engineer from MARS Studios who told me that I was ‘never going to give up’ – except with swear words.

You know I’m kidding about the swear words.

In any case, THANK YOU.

Please say hello to Patys Restaurant. I miss Toluca Lake sometimes. It’s where I first picked up the guitar.

May you and Goodnight Kiss Music be joyfully prosperous,

Dorothy

The Songwriter Showcase at Britannia Arms is every Tuesday between now and April 30. The show starts at 7pm. Arrive early to enjoy great ale and yummy food.

I’m playing again for a slot in the finals: April 14 at 7:30pm
SO COME ON DOWN!

Visit MARS Studios for the annual Showcase details, to tour the studio, or wave hello to Eric Bates, the sound engineer who is now famous because of this blog.

To read Janet’s Song Critique Checklist or sign up for the newsletter click Goodnight Kiss Music

Download The Odyssey, Antioch University Santa Barbara’s literary magazine that I co-edited with Rita Traner-McDermott.

Finally, if you are in SLO County this weekend – check out singer/songwriter/guitarist Amanda West – she playing at different venues throughout the county Friday, Saturday and Sunday – then she’s in Monterey. If you can’t see her in person – listen to her music! Be sure to tell her Dot says hello!