In the poll posted in the sidebar of this blog – one person said that their vision collage manifested wonderfully, but others said they weren’t sure what to do with their collage after it was created. Once the vision board is complete, use the following guidelines based on the book by Lucia Capacchione, Visioning: Ten Steps to Designing the Life of Your Dreams.
Have a journal with you to record any insights you may have.
*Be sure you share your collage or insights ONLY with those who you feel safe with and who support your dream.
1. Give your collage a place of honor in your home to display your vision.
2. Spend time viewing your collage – at least 15 minutes – several times a week.
This allows the energy of the images permeate your heart so you will ‘recognize’ circumstances as they flow toward you.
3. As you look at your creation, notice the colors and shapes of the collage pieces as well. Do you notice any recurring themes or colors?
If your vision isn’t manifesting ask yourself:
Do I spend time with my collage daily?
Weekly?
Do I follow my vision with inspired action?
That is - if you know you need to clear out the garage for the new office you are manifesting – have you done it?
If not, then why not?
Does it FEEL GOOD to look at your collage?
One reason why Visioning® doesn’t work is because often times we collage what think we SHOULD have. In other words, your collage may be what your mind says you want – but your heart needs to lead the way. The rational mind will come later, when it is time to put the plan into action.
Another reason why a collage doesn’t manifest is because of the voice inside your head that rationalizes away your desire. You’re too busy, too broke or too tired to go for another dream. Beware! This voice has IT’S OWN AGENDA and your dream is not on the list. (Read Visioning® Step Five: The Inner Critic.)
Your vision is given to you by the grace of the One that created you. It’s your gift, your blessing. Let your vision lead you. Let go of what no longer serves you to make room for your desire. Be brave enough to ask: am I following my vision today?
May the journey to your dreams be filled with yes,
Dorothy
Showing posts with label Inner Child. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Inner Child. Show all posts
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Chihuha
Chihuha: (Chee-hoo-ha). Internal monkey minded critic energy that creates drama 24/7.
Chi: Vital energy that is held to animate the body internally; of central importance in some Eastern systems of medical treatment and of exercise or self-defense.
Huha: Reactionary fight or flight response to unreleased past trauma stored in the body; incessant future planning; controlling the ‘now’ with relentless yapping.
Use: I was hoping to enjoy the drive, but my Chihuha jumped into the passenger seat and yapped in my ear the entire way.
Chihuha
I thought I’d be home Wednesday, but gratefully, there was more editing work waiting in Cambria than I planned. Turns out, I drove home through Big Sur on Saturday. I jumped into the Honda with the idea stopping off at Ragged Point, but passed that in favor of my memory of Big Sur twenty years ago. Too bad for me, that the memory included a clear stretch of Highway 1 on a weekday morning. (It also includes being high in the passenger seat while someone else drove.)
I learned that the Coast Gallery no longer serves food. The Coast Gallery also doesn’t let the public use their facilities, never mind that I was the only public and wouldn’t have minded the climb up the stairs. But, strangely, I was too hungry to insist and the shitty sales guy behind the counter didn’t offer. He suggested Deetjan’s Big Sur Restaurant which unfortunately was closed: though the facilities were open.
Stomach growling, I drove past Nepenthe because of the crowds and headed for the memory of the Big Sur River Inn, which was also teeming with tourists. After the next few curves, I pulled over to the side of the mountain. Rather than taking a moment to gaze at the shimmering sea, I tore open the raisins that I had struggled with for most of the drive and plopped the box on my lap. Appetizers. I pulled back onto the highway and sped until the right turn onto Carmel’s Rio Road. There, I gunned it past the Chevron and parked badly into the first space I found.
The eventual beet salad was heavenly.
The hilarity of missing a fabulously leisurely drive was that instead of stopping to eat, I kept looking for a better restaurant. Originally, I wanted to receive the blessing of Highway 1 on a gorgeous day. Turns out, I drove quite a way listening to my Chihuha yap about a better restaurant; instead of listening to my body.
I had forgotten that to Chihuhas, it’s always better over there.
This road trip was several weeks after I created my Inner Family collage (Click to read the 1st in the Inner Family 3-part series from the archives.) When I came home, I was not surprised to see that the Critic and my symbolic reactions dominated a large area of collage. So, I did what any other Visionary would do: I reached up and yanked down the pictures I didn’t want. (Yes you can take images away from and add to your collage!)
Now, my Chihuha calmly sits on the lap of dog whisperer Cesar Milan. Cesar is the symbol of my Inner Protective Parent. If anyone can calm a Chihuha down, it’s Cesar.
May you enjoy long leisurely drives while your Chihuha snores in a far away kennel,
Dorothy
Please click COMMENT at the bottom of this blog and tell me what best describes your Inner Chihuha.
ALSO – Please take time to answer the Poll I reposted on Vision collages – (I had neglected to add a “no” response earlier) – so please vote!
Chi: Vital energy that is held to animate the body internally; of central importance in some Eastern systems of medical treatment and of exercise or self-defense.
Huha: Reactionary fight or flight response to unreleased past trauma stored in the body; incessant future planning; controlling the ‘now’ with relentless yapping.
Use: I was hoping to enjoy the drive, but my Chihuha jumped into the passenger seat and yapped in my ear the entire way.
Chihuha
I thought I’d be home Wednesday, but gratefully, there was more editing work waiting in Cambria than I planned. Turns out, I drove home through Big Sur on Saturday. I jumped into the Honda with the idea stopping off at Ragged Point, but passed that in favor of my memory of Big Sur twenty years ago. Too bad for me, that the memory included a clear stretch of Highway 1 on a weekday morning. (It also includes being high in the passenger seat while someone else drove.)
I learned that the Coast Gallery no longer serves food. The Coast Gallery also doesn’t let the public use their facilities, never mind that I was the only public and wouldn’t have minded the climb up the stairs. But, strangely, I was too hungry to insist and the shitty sales guy behind the counter didn’t offer. He suggested Deetjan’s Big Sur Restaurant which unfortunately was closed: though the facilities were open.
Stomach growling, I drove past Nepenthe because of the crowds and headed for the memory of the Big Sur River Inn, which was also teeming with tourists. After the next few curves, I pulled over to the side of the mountain. Rather than taking a moment to gaze at the shimmering sea, I tore open the raisins that I had struggled with for most of the drive and plopped the box on my lap. Appetizers. I pulled back onto the highway and sped until the right turn onto Carmel’s Rio Road. There, I gunned it past the Chevron and parked badly into the first space I found.
The eventual beet salad was heavenly.
The hilarity of missing a fabulously leisurely drive was that instead of stopping to eat, I kept looking for a better restaurant. Originally, I wanted to receive the blessing of Highway 1 on a gorgeous day. Turns out, I drove quite a way listening to my Chihuha yap about a better restaurant; instead of listening to my body.
I had forgotten that to Chihuhas, it’s always better over there.
This road trip was several weeks after I created my Inner Family collage (Click to read the 1st in the Inner Family 3-part series from the archives.) When I came home, I was not surprised to see that the Critic and my symbolic reactions dominated a large area of collage. So, I did what any other Visionary would do: I reached up and yanked down the pictures I didn’t want. (Yes you can take images away from and add to your collage!)
Now, my Chihuha calmly sits on the lap of dog whisperer Cesar Milan. Cesar is the symbol of my Inner Protective Parent. If anyone can calm a Chihuha down, it’s Cesar.
May you enjoy long leisurely drives while your Chihuha snores in a far away kennel,
Dorothy
Please click COMMENT at the bottom of this blog and tell me what best describes your Inner Chihuha.
ALSO – Please take time to answer the Poll I reposted on Vision collages – (I had neglected to add a “no” response earlier) – so please vote!
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Meet the Parents - Inner Family Part 2
Last week I talked about the Inner Child and introduced the concept of an Inner Family. This blog – it’s time to meet the parents. If our emotions, intuition and body sensations are the Inner Child (IC), then the way to create safety with the IC is through the Inner Parents*. Inner Family work has four parents. A9ll of these parents are needed for every stage of raising an IC. These Inner Parents are the Protective Parent, Nurturing Parent, Critical Parent, and the Spiritual Parent. In addition, two crucial family members are the Observer and the Aware Ego. These two aspects set the parent roles into motion - instantly. If your life is out of balance in the areas of health, wealth, love, creativity and general happiness, then understanding how your internal Selves operate can remove the barriers to your dreams.
The Protective Parent
The Protective Parent is the part of us that sets boundaries both internally and externally. Internally, I use my Protective Parent when I drag my IC off the beach in order to get back to my desk. Externally, I am using this mode when I put my ‘boundary bag’ on my door when I don’t want to be disturbed. I also use Protective Parent mode when I am in a new social situation. When I’m with my friends, the childlike silly aspect of my Self is free to express because I know I am with trusted loved ones.
A Protective Parent that is out of balance results in sentences like these: “Those people are taking advantage of me!” “I dread going into work – my boss is going to throw a fit when he sees my sales numbers are down!” A balanced Protective Parent keeps our IC safe. These safety measures can take the form of making agreements with others, but we need to understand where the internal agreements break down first.
The Nurturing Parent
The Nurturing Parent is the part of us that cares for our health. When its time to eat, we stop and eat. We don’t try to finish just “one more thing” to the detriment of our body. We stop writing our blog in order to watch the final episode of Brothers and Sisters. If we need to relax after work – we take a bath or have tea and read. If we have an emotionally charged day, we give our selves quiet time rather than burying our feelings with too much alcohol, television, Internet or other repetitive patterns.
After auditioning for a musical in San Luis Obispo a few years back, I allowed myself cry and be sad when I didn’t make the cut. This is allowing was my nurturing aspect let the IC express. The feeling lasted just a few minutes. Years later, for my graduation Capstone class at Antioch, I performed an original musical medley as my final exam. (The DVD footage will not be uploaded.) If I had stuffed down the audition experience with phrases such as “Oh, it was meant to be” before feeling the disappointment – I wouldn’t have performed my ‘shuffle off to Buffalo’ routine. The reason? My unprocessed disappointment would have been stored in my body. Feeling disappointed at the time yielded the joy of being onstage in an original musical later.
The Spiritual Parent
The Spiritual Parent is the aspect of us that is our all knowing, grounded Self. It is connected to the Spiritual plane and knows that we are loved. The qualities are acceptance, patience, compassion and loving kindness. In the New Age movement, many people identify with this aspect. Or they judge this aspect as the better than the other parental modes. This is dangerous because hanging out in the ethereal realm creates an imbalance. That is, when its time to come to earth and do the work – there is a tendency to maintain the spiritual high through drugs or drama. The limitless quality of this parent does not allow for the reality of limits that the material world imposes.
The Spiritual Parent forgives a betrayal, while the IC feels the hurt, the nurturing aspect heals, and the protective aspect leaves these relationships behind - or insists on couples counseling! Rushing to forgiveness before processing the pain only buries the hurt in our cellular memory.
Journaling with the Spiritual Parent using the non-dominant hand technique (see January Blog) dispels the societal beliefs of “Daddy God coming in for the rescue.” Journaling with this parent gave me the clarity to take the action in plenty of situations. For instance, in a car accident I had in May of 2007, I called on the Spiritual Parent. After I realized I was not hurt, I closed my eyes and gave thanks. I remembered blessing the journey of insurance paperwork that greeted me. But when it came time to meet the other driver – my Protective Parent took care of business.
The Critical Parent
The Critical Parent is the one I have discussed the most in my blog postings because I have spent a lot of time either listening to its voice or resisting its voice - which energetically, is the same thing. Dr. Capacchione teaches that this parent is necessary in the same way that Inspector Clouseau wrestled with Kato in the Pink Panther movies. That is, he needed the surprise attack to keep his sleuthing skills sharp! If only my Critical Parent’s grousing were as hilarious as Peter Sellars movies. Actually, they can be – once you recognize the disguises this crafty parent uses.
In her book, The Energy of Money, Maria Nemeth calls the Critical Parent, Monkey Mind. Warning signals that we are making decisions from Monkey Mind are being vague, being defensive, taking things personally, making excuses, using either/or thinking – you get the point.
Two aspects of the Critical Parent are The Pusher and The Perfectionist. Both of these aspects are rampant in the Western work world.
You know me - I created a Visioning® collage of my Inner Family. In the Critical Parent section a woman is cringing under the photo of a skinny, persnickety cartoon man. This cartoon man represents the Critical Parent. Beneath the cartoon man is a little Buddha face laughing. Phew! Critical Parent techniques are in my April Blog.
The Observer and The Aware Ego
The Observer: Also on my collage is an image of Buddhist Monk sweeping. This is my Observer representative. But the Observer only observes and needs the directorial skills of the Aware Ego. My Aware Ego is represented by Cesar Milan and Chris Rock. These images remind me to ‘be aware of the energy I am emitting” and “the laughter behind my human drama.”
The Observer is the witness to the events in our life. It simply sees what is happening and reports on the facts. There is no emotional attachment. These reports are used by the Aware Ego, who is the internal director. The Aware Ego gets information from the Observer. Here is an example. The Observer tells the Aware Ego “Dorothy’s boss Susie is yelling again.” Nowhere in the Observers reporting does it mention any personalization. It’s just the facts, ma’m. The Aware Ego can now make a decision.
In this real life circumstance, I was aware of the Observer voice and realized that Susie was like a child throwing a tantrum. I simply let the tantrum happen, and then repeated back what I heard Susie wanted. Because I didn’t jump on the “Susie is yelling there must be something wrong with Susie, with me, with ____,” bandwagon, the situation diffused quickly. If I had tried to fix the situation instead, well, I’d still be standing there with a red faced Susie boss.
We know that the Aware Ego is asleep at the wheel when we go on vacations with our files from work or go to meet prospective clients wearing our swim trunks. The Aware Ego is the decider. It chooses which role is appropriate for which setting. Going to negotiate a contract? Better take the Protective Parent. Stymied by a major decision? Then spend some time journaling with your Spiritual Parent.
The important thing to realize is that we are not any of these roles. We are not our Inner Child. We are not the Aware Ego and we are not the Protective Parent. We are human beings, set on this planet to enjoy our incredible lives. Get to know your Inner Family and the roles they play. They are here to help you move through life’s situations with grace.
May you and your Inner Family celebrate your life!
Dorothy
Dot in Pacific Grove
PS:For specifics on the Inner Family dynamic,
read Recovery of your Inner Child by Dr. Lucia Capacchione.
The Protective Parent
The Protective Parent is the part of us that sets boundaries both internally and externally. Internally, I use my Protective Parent when I drag my IC off the beach in order to get back to my desk. Externally, I am using this mode when I put my ‘boundary bag’ on my door when I don’t want to be disturbed. I also use Protective Parent mode when I am in a new social situation. When I’m with my friends, the childlike silly aspect of my Self is free to express because I know I am with trusted loved ones.
A Protective Parent that is out of balance results in sentences like these: “Those people are taking advantage of me!” “I dread going into work – my boss is going to throw a fit when he sees my sales numbers are down!” A balanced Protective Parent keeps our IC safe. These safety measures can take the form of making agreements with others, but we need to understand where the internal agreements break down first.
The Nurturing Parent
The Nurturing Parent is the part of us that cares for our health. When its time to eat, we stop and eat. We don’t try to finish just “one more thing” to the detriment of our body. We stop writing our blog in order to watch the final episode of Brothers and Sisters. If we need to relax after work – we take a bath or have tea and read. If we have an emotionally charged day, we give our selves quiet time rather than burying our feelings with too much alcohol, television, Internet or other repetitive patterns.
After auditioning for a musical in San Luis Obispo a few years back, I allowed myself cry and be sad when I didn’t make the cut. This is allowing was my nurturing aspect let the IC express. The feeling lasted just a few minutes. Years later, for my graduation Capstone class at Antioch, I performed an original musical medley as my final exam. (The DVD footage will not be uploaded.) If I had stuffed down the audition experience with phrases such as “Oh, it was meant to be” before feeling the disappointment – I wouldn’t have performed my ‘shuffle off to Buffalo’ routine. The reason? My unprocessed disappointment would have been stored in my body. Feeling disappointed at the time yielded the joy of being onstage in an original musical later.
The Spiritual Parent
The Spiritual Parent is the aspect of us that is our all knowing, grounded Self. It is connected to the Spiritual plane and knows that we are loved. The qualities are acceptance, patience, compassion and loving kindness. In the New Age movement, many people identify with this aspect. Or they judge this aspect as the better than the other parental modes. This is dangerous because hanging out in the ethereal realm creates an imbalance. That is, when its time to come to earth and do the work – there is a tendency to maintain the spiritual high through drugs or drama. The limitless quality of this parent does not allow for the reality of limits that the material world imposes.
The Spiritual Parent forgives a betrayal, while the IC feels the hurt, the nurturing aspect heals, and the protective aspect leaves these relationships behind - or insists on couples counseling! Rushing to forgiveness before processing the pain only buries the hurt in our cellular memory.
Journaling with the Spiritual Parent using the non-dominant hand technique (see January Blog) dispels the societal beliefs of “Daddy God coming in for the rescue.” Journaling with this parent gave me the clarity to take the action in plenty of situations. For instance, in a car accident I had in May of 2007, I called on the Spiritual Parent. After I realized I was not hurt, I closed my eyes and gave thanks. I remembered blessing the journey of insurance paperwork that greeted me. But when it came time to meet the other driver – my Protective Parent took care of business.
The Critical Parent
The Critical Parent is the one I have discussed the most in my blog postings because I have spent a lot of time either listening to its voice or resisting its voice - which energetically, is the same thing. Dr. Capacchione teaches that this parent is necessary in the same way that Inspector Clouseau wrestled with Kato in the Pink Panther movies. That is, he needed the surprise attack to keep his sleuthing skills sharp! If only my Critical Parent’s grousing were as hilarious as Peter Sellars movies. Actually, they can be – once you recognize the disguises this crafty parent uses.
In her book, The Energy of Money, Maria Nemeth calls the Critical Parent, Monkey Mind. Warning signals that we are making decisions from Monkey Mind are being vague, being defensive, taking things personally, making excuses, using either/or thinking – you get the point.
Two aspects of the Critical Parent are The Pusher and The Perfectionist. Both of these aspects are rampant in the Western work world.
You know me - I created a Visioning® collage of my Inner Family. In the Critical Parent section a woman is cringing under the photo of a skinny, persnickety cartoon man. This cartoon man represents the Critical Parent. Beneath the cartoon man is a little Buddha face laughing. Phew! Critical Parent techniques are in my April Blog.
The Observer and The Aware Ego
The Observer: Also on my collage is an image of Buddhist Monk sweeping. This is my Observer representative. But the Observer only observes and needs the directorial skills of the Aware Ego. My Aware Ego is represented by Cesar Milan and Chris Rock. These images remind me to ‘be aware of the energy I am emitting” and “the laughter behind my human drama.”
The Observer is the witness to the events in our life. It simply sees what is happening and reports on the facts. There is no emotional attachment. These reports are used by the Aware Ego, who is the internal director. The Aware Ego gets information from the Observer. Here is an example. The Observer tells the Aware Ego “Dorothy’s boss Susie is yelling again.” Nowhere in the Observers reporting does it mention any personalization. It’s just the facts, ma’m. The Aware Ego can now make a decision.
In this real life circumstance, I was aware of the Observer voice and realized that Susie was like a child throwing a tantrum. I simply let the tantrum happen, and then repeated back what I heard Susie wanted. Because I didn’t jump on the “Susie is yelling there must be something wrong with Susie, with me, with ____,” bandwagon, the situation diffused quickly. If I had tried to fix the situation instead, well, I’d still be standing there with a red faced Susie boss.
We know that the Aware Ego is asleep at the wheel when we go on vacations with our files from work or go to meet prospective clients wearing our swim trunks. The Aware Ego is the decider. It chooses which role is appropriate for which setting. Going to negotiate a contract? Better take the Protective Parent. Stymied by a major decision? Then spend some time journaling with your Spiritual Parent.
The important thing to realize is that we are not any of these roles. We are not our Inner Child. We are not the Aware Ego and we are not the Protective Parent. We are human beings, set on this planet to enjoy our incredible lives. Get to know your Inner Family and the roles they play. They are here to help you move through life’s situations with grace.
May you and your Inner Family celebrate your life!
Dorothy
Dot in Pacific Grove
PS:For specifics on the Inner Family dynamic,
read Recovery of your Inner Child by Dr. Lucia Capacchione.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Intro to Your Inner Family
I was raised in Disneyland, California. That means that I recognized fireflies in Maryland because of Pirates of the Caribbean and when I hear the phrase “Here we go!” I brace myself for Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride. Each summer, the Arizona relatives would arrive and clutching our leftover ride coupons, we’d head back to Disneyland.
Although Disneyland meant the daytime rides and the evening fireworks – our mothers acted like, well mothers. They brought us kids home during the day for food and a break before heading back to the park. As I grew older, it was easy to tell which families had taken a break with the kids and which families had parents that were run by the kids.
Inner families are like that too. Everyone has heard of an Inner Child. Listening to our Inner Child simply means that we are in touch with and honor our emotions and body sensations. What a lot of people don’t know is that if we have an Inner Child, then we also have Inner Parents. These are called the Protective, Nurturing, Spiritual and Critical Parent*. All of these parents are here to take care of us. Not understanding this dynamic can lead to emotions run amok. Think about it – when is the last time you saw an adult throw a tantrum or have an emotional melt down?
When we are growing up, we learned to hide certain feelings that were taboo in our families. Any feeling can be taboo. Most common ones are boys don’t cry and girls can’t be mad. As children, when one of these taboo feelings becomes present, we develop coping strategies to stuff down the feeling. When we go to school, develop friendships, attend church, etc, we learn about more taboo feelings and thus, create new and creative coping strategies.
As children, these coping mechanisms kept us safe – that is, if we paid attention and stuffed down the feeling, we didn’t get in trouble. But a feeling is a unit of energy and unless it is seen, felt, accepted and released – the energy gets stored in our body. This energetic memory reactivates as we move in and out of situations that activate the taboo feeling. This is good news because the feeling is simply trying to be seen, felt, accepted and released. But because we have learned to JUDGE the feeling, instead of stopping to feel the pain – we numb the pain and the cycle begins again. This is why we find ourselves in the “same feeling place, different face” situations repeatedly.
The way out of emotional pain is through. It’s a process that I call Name- that is, Name your feelings, Accept your feelings, Move your feelings (through journaling or exercise) for Empowered choices.
We know where our inner child is running the show by looking at our life situations that are out of balance. For example, I’ve discovered that sometimes my inner kid has stolen the checkbook. So, when I took the morning to go shopping in downtown Santa Cruz, I set my limits by carrying the cash I wanted to spend and had fruit, water and tea in the car – thereby saving more mula for fun stuff. As I was shopping, I noticed that I wanted to buy gifts for others and that I had a big ‘SHOULD’ voice following me around telling me what I should buy and what I really needed.
“Uh, huh, thanks for sharing!”
The amount of money I spent was not as important as simply spending time enjoying kicking around downtown. Now I’m writing this blog wearing my new turquoise shell dangle earrings and am relishing reading my book of essays by Richard Rodriquez that I gleaned from Bookshop Santa Cruz’s sale bin. When I don’t take energy (in time or money) to spend time playing daily and going out for fun weekly – then I chance rebellious, unconscious spending later.
Listening to your feelings, body messages and intuition are paramount to our happiness. But all good parents need to use discretion. Boundaries mean that you are honoring your whole self. Boundaries keep you safe so you can enjoy life’s lovely ride.
May you skip safely and happily through this delicious day,
Dorothy
Read my December blog and for the process of using Visioning® to ground stuck feelings and my January blog to help identify feelings using collage.
*The Inner Family theory is based on Recovery of Your Inner Child by Dr. Lucia Capacchione, who founded of the Creative Journal Expressive Arts training with Dr. Marsha Nelson of Mission, Texas. Buy a copy of the book here too.
Read my article about El Rocio Retreat – the center where Lucia’s new students are trained. For more photos and events listing visit: http://www.elrocioretreat.com/.
Although Disneyland meant the daytime rides and the evening fireworks – our mothers acted like, well mothers. They brought us kids home during the day for food and a break before heading back to the park. As I grew older, it was easy to tell which families had taken a break with the kids and which families had parents that were run by the kids.
Inner families are like that too. Everyone has heard of an Inner Child. Listening to our Inner Child simply means that we are in touch with and honor our emotions and body sensations. What a lot of people don’t know is that if we have an Inner Child, then we also have Inner Parents. These are called the Protective, Nurturing, Spiritual and Critical Parent*. All of these parents are here to take care of us. Not understanding this dynamic can lead to emotions run amok. Think about it – when is the last time you saw an adult throw a tantrum or have an emotional melt down?
When we are growing up, we learned to hide certain feelings that were taboo in our families. Any feeling can be taboo. Most common ones are boys don’t cry and girls can’t be mad. As children, when one of these taboo feelings becomes present, we develop coping strategies to stuff down the feeling. When we go to school, develop friendships, attend church, etc, we learn about more taboo feelings and thus, create new and creative coping strategies.
As children, these coping mechanisms kept us safe – that is, if we paid attention and stuffed down the feeling, we didn’t get in trouble. But a feeling is a unit of energy and unless it is seen, felt, accepted and released – the energy gets stored in our body. This energetic memory reactivates as we move in and out of situations that activate the taboo feeling. This is good news because the feeling is simply trying to be seen, felt, accepted and released. But because we have learned to JUDGE the feeling, instead of stopping to feel the pain – we numb the pain and the cycle begins again. This is why we find ourselves in the “same feeling place, different face” situations repeatedly.
The way out of emotional pain is through. It’s a process that I call Name- that is, Name your feelings, Accept your feelings, Move your feelings (through journaling or exercise) for Empowered choices.
We know where our inner child is running the show by looking at our life situations that are out of balance. For example, I’ve discovered that sometimes my inner kid has stolen the checkbook. So, when I took the morning to go shopping in downtown Santa Cruz, I set my limits by carrying the cash I wanted to spend and had fruit, water and tea in the car – thereby saving more mula for fun stuff. As I was shopping, I noticed that I wanted to buy gifts for others and that I had a big ‘SHOULD’ voice following me around telling me what I should buy and what I really needed.
“Uh, huh, thanks for sharing!”
The amount of money I spent was not as important as simply spending time enjoying kicking around downtown. Now I’m writing this blog wearing my new turquoise shell dangle earrings and am relishing reading my book of essays by Richard Rodriquez that I gleaned from Bookshop Santa Cruz’s sale bin. When I don’t take energy (in time or money) to spend time playing daily and going out for fun weekly – then I chance rebellious, unconscious spending later.
Listening to your feelings, body messages and intuition are paramount to our happiness. But all good parents need to use discretion. Boundaries mean that you are honoring your whole self. Boundaries keep you safe so you can enjoy life’s lovely ride.
May you skip safely and happily through this delicious day,
Dorothy
Read my December blog and for the process of using Visioning® to ground stuck feelings and my January blog to help identify feelings using collage.
*The Inner Family theory is based on Recovery of Your Inner Child by Dr. Lucia Capacchione, who founded of the Creative Journal Expressive Arts training with Dr. Marsha Nelson of Mission, Texas. Buy a copy of the book here too.
Read my article about El Rocio Retreat – the center where Lucia’s new students are trained. For more photos and events listing visit: http://www.elrocioretreat.com/.
Monday, December 22, 2008
Breathing Through the Holidays
Last month I left you with a Vision collage of my Santa Cruz life. Once the collage is made, the next phase is working with each of the images. This is done in a variety of ways. One way is to reflect on a collage image.
I use these methods daily as my spiritual practice: that is, I stop to quiet myself and listen to my Self. Collage images are our internal images glued down on paper. Right brain exercises refocus my energy if I’m overwhelmed by my To Do list. Taking several breaks throughout the day also reminds me that I am a human being, not a human doer. As I move through my tasks, I typically get more head focused. Right brain processes move us back into our bodies, or the present. The body is also the place that stores our emotional history. This premise is the crux of this work.
For example, I made a decision to spend the month of December at my mother’s home. Though I have been looking forward to spending time with family, as December grew closer I felt myself growing anxious. For many of us, regardless of age or worldly accomplishments, when we enter the familial home we are suddenly wearing our childhood play clothes. If we have not processed childhood incidents through healing modalities, then the role we played in childhood is instantly activated. Emotional memory is stored in our body, literally. That is, our child self can be activated simply by being around the people and environment of our childhood. As adults our job is to be AWARE of our internal hurts - which is also known as the Inner Child* - and to heal or release this pain. If the pain energy feels overwhelming, then we can ask for help.
Gratefully my collage has an image that will help me manage my energy over the holidays. The first step after completing any Visioning® Board is to look at it 3 times a day for at least 15 minutes per session. This keeps the feeling of the image in our minds eye. Visioning® is about manifesting the feeling of what you want, although specific intentions will manifest as well.
One of the collage images is a photo of two swans. This symbolizes a park near my mother’s house where I often walk. It is important to note that when I was grabbing images that reflect the topic of the collage, “My Santa Cruz life is joyfully peaceful,” the process was extremely fast. I didn’t realize until the collage was finished that I can ground myself during the holidays by specifically walking at this park. Walking is my preferred method of exercise and this also reminds me to stick to my routine. One good surprise of following this image is that I was given tickets to a Christmas play from someone at the park.
Moving our emotions through physical activity is important because it grounds emotional energy. The image also tells me that during the holidays walking is a way to channel any reactionary feelings activated by visiting family. During the often stressful holidays – this is good to remember. Feeling edgy by a brother-in-law? Instead of telling him to jump in the lake, walk around the lake instead. Want to yell at your sister for forgetting that you are a vegetarian - again? Run to the restroom and do a little jig. Look in the mirror. Hug yourself. Tell yourself how fabulous you look. Breathe.
This holiday use your breath to soothe the hurt that statements by your brother in-law activated. These hurts are activated because they need our tenderness. They need the breath of life to be brought fully into the light and released. Fortunately, the holidays are the time when we can resolve our painful past. I say fortunately because being human, we need pain to show us what feelings need to be transformed. Reactionary pain is our reminder to transform the past into our joyful present. So this holiday, use your breath to move through reactionary feelings and give yourself and your family the gift of your loving presence.
Happy Holidays and many blessings to you and yours,
Dorothy
*For a terrific book regarding Inner Child and Inner Family work read
Recovery of Your Inner Child by Lucia Capacchione: http://www.luciac.com/
I use these methods daily as my spiritual practice: that is, I stop to quiet myself and listen to my Self. Collage images are our internal images glued down on paper. Right brain exercises refocus my energy if I’m overwhelmed by my To Do list. Taking several breaks throughout the day also reminds me that I am a human being, not a human doer. As I move through my tasks, I typically get more head focused. Right brain processes move us back into our bodies, or the present. The body is also the place that stores our emotional history. This premise is the crux of this work.
For example, I made a decision to spend the month of December at my mother’s home. Though I have been looking forward to spending time with family, as December grew closer I felt myself growing anxious. For many of us, regardless of age or worldly accomplishments, when we enter the familial home we are suddenly wearing our childhood play clothes. If we have not processed childhood incidents through healing modalities, then the role we played in childhood is instantly activated. Emotional memory is stored in our body, literally. That is, our child self can be activated simply by being around the people and environment of our childhood. As adults our job is to be AWARE of our internal hurts - which is also known as the Inner Child* - and to heal or release this pain. If the pain energy feels overwhelming, then we can ask for help.
Gratefully my collage has an image that will help me manage my energy over the holidays. The first step after completing any Visioning® Board is to look at it 3 times a day for at least 15 minutes per session. This keeps the feeling of the image in our minds eye. Visioning® is about manifesting the feeling of what you want, although specific intentions will manifest as well.
One of the collage images is a photo of two swans. This symbolizes a park near my mother’s house where I often walk. It is important to note that when I was grabbing images that reflect the topic of the collage, “My Santa Cruz life is joyfully peaceful,” the process was extremely fast. I didn’t realize until the collage was finished that I can ground myself during the holidays by specifically walking at this park. Walking is my preferred method of exercise and this also reminds me to stick to my routine. One good surprise of following this image is that I was given tickets to a Christmas play from someone at the park.
Moving our emotions through physical activity is important because it grounds emotional energy. The image also tells me that during the holidays walking is a way to channel any reactionary feelings activated by visiting family. During the often stressful holidays – this is good to remember. Feeling edgy by a brother-in-law? Instead of telling him to jump in the lake, walk around the lake instead. Want to yell at your sister for forgetting that you are a vegetarian - again? Run to the restroom and do a little jig. Look in the mirror. Hug yourself. Tell yourself how fabulous you look. Breathe.
This holiday use your breath to soothe the hurt that statements by your brother in-law activated. These hurts are activated because they need our tenderness. They need the breath of life to be brought fully into the light and released. Fortunately, the holidays are the time when we can resolve our painful past. I say fortunately because being human, we need pain to show us what feelings need to be transformed. Reactionary pain is our reminder to transform the past into our joyful present. So this holiday, use your breath to move through reactionary feelings and give yourself and your family the gift of your loving presence.
Happy Holidays and many blessings to you and yours,
Dorothy
*For a terrific book regarding Inner Child and Inner Family work read
Recovery of Your Inner Child by Lucia Capacchione: http://www.luciac.com/
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