The Exquisite Expansion of Being

January 2019 Collage

Today at work I took the cellophane off of the wall art, and tacked them into place. This felt like an open, wiggly thing to do. One wise comment was "it looks like your committed to staying."

I park my car pointing in the direction back home; I leave parties when it's time--without bothering to find the host. Better to send a "loved the party" email complete with pics.

So I'm not sure what "committed" means. But it has more to do with being present than leaving or staying ever could.
That's what my collage created out of a 2018 calendar is all about: being.
I collage because it's messy, get down fun. I speed through magazines, grabbing images that grab me. Sorting and trimming and gluing, oh my! Any image goes. The process is deeply embodied and soul satisfying. At the end...ta da!!!
This year, I'm blogging about hanging with my hanging. Each month a new collage, and a whole lot of heartfelt deliciousness. 

Join me as I talk about the Creative Self, your heart's desire and the exquisite expansion of being.

My Joy is Your Joy

It is 1 month and 6 days since Mom died. The funeral with the cemetery burial and gathering at the home is done. I have alternately been okay, yet not. My mind plays a continuous loop of "Mom died, Mom died, Mom died, Mom died," 24/7.

By day, I bury the grief mantra with a busy day job combined with Lyle Lovett tunes on my iPod. By night, I run errands and binge watch the 6th season of Private Practice on Hulu, and nosh on popcorn, cheese-puffs, gummy bears and Big Macs. It is my spiritual practice to limit wine at home.

I know this time will not last long; I don't pretend that this is the first time I am giving myself a break by chowing down my feelings, or tuning them out.

But feelings are different than a looped thought tape announcing "Mom died."

For several days after Mom first passed, I was overwhelmed with waves of complete joy. I decided this was Mom, and that she had returned to her happy Self before her long, slow decline.

"I want to be a published author" collage. 1.28.15

As an expressive arts teacher, I keep myself in tune by having a Vision board on standby. My theme for the year is "I am a published author" which was created in January. Four days after my mother died, this is the dominant hand/non-dominant hand conversation with the image of the Masked Woman. At the time I created the collage, I had no idea why I picked this image. (When selecting images for a themed vision board, the rule is to initially "grab what grabs you" and to allow the sorting / arranging/ gluing steps to determine what stays on the board.) 

3/31/15

DH: Dear Masked Woman, who are you?

NDH: I am a sub-personality of grief and mourning and weeping.

Masked Woman detail.

DH: How do you feel?

NDH: Honored.

DH: Why?

NDH: Because you give time and ceremony to me.  You are a healer woman.

DH: What do you want me to do?

NDH: Let me out when it is time and know that my joy is your joy and that happiness does not dishonor the grieving process at all.

DH: Thank you.

Making time for all of our feelings honors all parts of ourselves. Taking time to create art gives us room to catch our breath, catch up to our bodies and know that "all is well, everything is well, and all good manner of things, shall be well."