Saturday, June 6, 2015

Stabbed in My Happy Heart

A couple of weeks ago, while sorting through my non-dominant hand (NDH) drawings created over the past year, I came to this soothing realization: I’ve felt like shit plenty of times before and I am still here.

Last month I started one-on-one grief counseling sessions at the hospice center. Counseling was recommended by a friend who said that since my mother’s death on March 27th my face has looked tight; I’ve been angry.

Last month I experienced mornings of waking up and forgetting for 5 minutes that my mother died.

After writing my 3-morning pages, I sat in front of my current collage and journaled with the Watch Image, though the answer seemed obvious.

Collage Detail: I Want to be A Published Author

“It’s my time. What do I want to do with my time?”

I want to be enjoy myself, I thought. And I know enjoyment is easier when I allow myself to express all of me. 

This is different than my usual belief of "if I'm not feeling positively fabulous all of the time, then something is wrong."

It's time to set myself free from this silly, repetitive habit of thought, that actually makes me feel much worse than crying when it's time to cry; and laughing at the latest Dave Barry essay.

So, just for today, I allow myself to be stabbed in my happy heart.

Dorothy Segovia is the author of My Body, My Car: How to Coach Yourself Through Life's little Accidents. For more info on how collage and Creative Journaling can help you express, visit To learn how 3-part collages can help you unleash the creative solution to any obstacle, visit Dorothy's Visioning(R) post.